Mucus Flavored Kisses
by sunflowerb
Summary: Kissing her sounds great. But...Problems with kissing Kairi: You're sick. Do you really want your first kiss to taste like mucus? And do you wanna get her sick? 'Um, Roxas, I don't think she cares.' Audio commentary by Roxas. SK, RN. post KH2, oneshot.


**AN: I know it sounds gross. But sickness is not an appealing matter. Just roll with it, m'kay? This is written alot like "Luck", and since it is from Roxas's POV, the Sora-Roxas interaction is all over the place. Their convo's are what everyone loved so much about "Luck", so I included it here. I wrote this while I was sick, so blame the weirdness on my feverish delerium. (Hides face) I still can't believe I wrote this. If you liked "Luck", you will probably love this. I get really cynical when I'm sick. Enjoy.**

**Sokai, some Namixas, not Roxiri, though it may seem that way slightly. NOT AU, Post KH2. Audio Commentary provided by Roxas from within Sora's head. Warning: ADD abounds for these boys.**

**Disclaimer: no owny.**

_Mucus Flavored Kisses_

I never knew how much it sucks to have a cold.

I know what you're thinking: Dear Roxas, how is it that any human being could have the sort of immune system that would permit them to exist for fifteen years without ever catching the common cold? No; my parents were not over protective freaks who locked me in a bubble room for my whole life. No, I am not living in some futuristic society where the cure for the common cold has been found and no one gets sick very often.

See, Sora has had dozens of colds in his lifetime. I, Roxas, in the fraction of Sora's lifespan that I have existed as my own separate cognitive entity, have yet to be forced to endure that aggravating, incapacitating interruption that is the common cold. True, I know of Sora's memories of previous illnesses, but since developing a consciousness slightly separated from Sora's, I have yet to actually experience it for myself.

Until now, that is.

Yup, Sora's sick. Which means I'm sick. Because I am Sora. Confused?

Get used to it.

See, it isn't like Sora and I are two totally opposite entities inhabiting the same body, heart and soul. See, we're one person. One heart, one soul, one personality. Yup, I'm still part of Sora's personality; just a _part_. You know that little voice you hear in your head when you talk to yourself? And, dear smart allecs, I _don't _mean in a creepy schizophrenic way. Well, anyway, imagine that your little voice suddenly went from being "other me" as in, "hi, other me. What are we going to do about this?" to being a face and a name that was still part of you. Well, Sora's "other me" just went from being just "that little voice in the back of my mind" to "Roxas, my other me who I talk to."

Get the picture? I hope so. If not, well, you know what? Just go with it. Heck, I haven't even figured it out completely. Now that I've certified you as an expert in 'Talking to Yourself Without Being Schizophrenic 101', let's move on to the story before I have to start charging tutoring fees.

So, Sora's got a cold, right? And it sucks. Like, totally. I feel like I just swallowed the Ultima keyblade, or some equally superfluously decorated weapon that would rip your throat to shreds on the way down. I feel like any minute my head is going to explode from the pressure and send Sora's chocolate spikes (I _so _miss being blonde) shooting out of our head like porcupine quills.

I'm achy, I can't breathe, and everything tastes like mucus.

Oh yes, that's my favorite part. The mucus. There is enough material running down my already burning throat to wash Niagara Falls off course. When I breathe, all I smell is mucus. When I eat, all I taste is mucus. When my tongue sits, moves, allows its atoms to vibrate, I taste sugar and lollypops. Nope, there's no tricking myself. I taste mucus.

Yes, it's gross But since when is sickness _ever _a thing of aesthetic pleasure? Even when Kairi/Naminé gets sick, she looks bad. Not as bad as most people, of course. But even Kairi, who can make the school uniform look like it belongs on the runway, can't make sickness look appealing.

We're starting to get off track again. Hey, give me a break. I'm Sora after all; albeit the less ADD half. Can you imagine how random this would be if I'd left Sora to the narration?

The one good thing about being sick is that you get to stay home from school. Of course, missing school means loads of work to make up in addition to the current homework once you get back. I can't see Riku, and I can't see Naminé…Kairi. Whatever. Same girl. So, in general, being sick sucks.

Day four of my quarantine. Throat is starting to hurt less. Television is a great void of nothingness. Boredom reigns. Mom is still pumping me full of Dayquil. Conversation with Sora consists of discussing how much it sucks being sick. Highlight of the day: Kairi's coming over. I'm trying to get used to calling her Kairi, instead of Naminé. After all, originally, she is Kairi, and I know that just like I have become accustomed to being called Sora and only really think of myself as Roxas as sort of being a nickname of sorts, she is doing the same. But that isn't the point.

I'm still contagious, but-

_Who cares if we're still contagious? Kairi's coming over! And besides-_

Shut up, Sora. I'm getting there. As I was saying, before being rudely interrupted, and here I mentally shoot Sora a death glare, I'm still contagious, but she's only coming over for a little while, and she's going to go home and bathe in Lysol afterwards.

She's coming over to say hi, and to bring some of the school work we've missed.

_Not like I feel like doing any._

Amen. But if we told Kairi that, she wouldn't feel the need to come. _That _would suck more than this cold. The only thing we need more than this god-awful illness is to be suffering Kairi-withdrawal too.

Downside of all this? Sora looks horrible. That's one thing I can't quite get used to-I think of myself as Sora in all things but appearance.

_You're getting off track again._

Right. So. Kairi.

_No, you were insulting my appearance._

Dude, we're sick. You look as bad as we feel.

_Just shut up._

Fine. Anyway, so Kairi's coming. Let's just focus on that. Sora's just looked at the clock again for the umpteenth time. Guess what, it still says 5:32 pm. Kairi won't be here until about 5:45, since she has work to do in the art studio. Sora picks up the remote and turns the TV on. Neither of us knows why he bothered to waste the electricity, as we both know that he won't find anything worth watching. How bored are we? Here's a clue. When Kairi finally arrives, he's still channel surfing.

_Honestly, what __**else**_ _is there to do?_

Exactly.

Sora can hear Mom in the kitchen, forcing Kairi to drink some orange juice to give her immune system a last-minute boost before she comes up to see Sora. Of course, Kairi doesn't protest. She's much too polite.

There is a knock on the bedroom door and Kairi enters, smiling sympathetically. You could insult Sora's whole family right now and he wouldn't hear you, all because Kairi is smiling. Maleficent and Xemnas and the whole friggin' world of darkness could conquer the universe without Sora or I ever noticing if only they could get Kairi to grin long enough.

This would be the part where Sora would start fighting with me if Kairi weren't here and smiling.

"Hey," she says as she enters. "How are you feeling?"

Sora's mouth suddenly becomes full of mucus or something, because he doesn't answer immediately. A good hard mental kicking from yours truly helps unhinge his jaw.

"Um…" _Um _is not a greeting common in the English language, Sora.

"Hi." That's better. Tell her how you are.

"I still feel like I'm dying." He tells her, not exaggerating in the slightest. Kairi giggles and rolls her eyes.

"Men are such babies when they get sick," she tells us, laughing.

Ignore her laugh, she just insulted you.

"Am not!" he says smiling momentarily. For added emphasis, and of course to display his astounding maturity, Sora sticks out a mucus-covered tongue at her. Or at least a tongue that feels like it's covered in mucus.

_Who cares if it's immature, Kairi's laughing at it, isn't she?_

I have to admit he's got a point.

Things settle into a more natural groove. It's Kairi, after all. Or Naminé, whatever. When I think Kairi in context of Sora, it's Kairi. When I think Kairi in context of me, I think Naminé. I love Kairi, because Sora loves Kairi and I'm Sora. But that doesn't mean that I don't love Naminé. The best way I can describe it is that I love Kairi, but being part of Sora means that I am basically the part of Sora that especially adores the part of Kairi that is Naminé. Make sense? I hope so. Anywho.

Kairi tells all about stuff that has happened at school during Sora's absence, and for the most part Sora is silent. After all, my throat hurts when I _breathe. _Talking is done only when absolutely necessary. This frustrates Sora to no end. He is not one to be silent for so long.

_What's that supposed to mean?_

What? You like to talk. You're a talkative person.

_Am not. I'm not __**that**__ much of a talkative person._

Sora, yes you are. "Silent" is not a word ever used to describe you. You certainly aren't a quiet person.

_Well, yeah, but-_

Kairi just asked us something.

_What?_

She just asked us something. Answer her.

_I didn't catch what she said. Did you?_

Well…um…no. I was too busy arguing with you.

_Aw, crap! What are we gonna do?_

I don't know!

Kairi is indeed giving Sora an expectant look. She asked a question, and she is still patiently awaiting an answer. At times like this, Sora seems to think the best thing to do is just say 'Yes.' And hope for the best. This usually creates more problems than it fixes. For example, if it isn't a yes or no question that was asked to begin with. My solution?

"What?" Kairi frowns.

"Didn't you hear me?"

"Uh," Sora scratches his head. "I'm in a bit of a haze, here, Kairi. I just zoned out for a second…Sorry." And I throw in a charming apologetic grin for good measure. Kairi smiles. Thank goodness.

"Poor thing. Anyway, I was asking if you were feeling up to doing some of your work while I'm here to help you."

See, this is why you don't automatically answer yes. We don't feel like doing school work. We feel like spending time with Kairi. Sora gives a nasally laugh, half at my comment, half at the notion of doing homework. "Not really."

Kairi gives him a sympathetic smile in return. "Well, I'll at least tell you what the work is, so that if you start feeling better you can work on it."

She smiled again, and Sora starts melting. Sunlight is streaming through the window and highlighting her hair. She seems to glimmer in the afternoon sun, like the angel Sora knows she is. She pulls a piece of paper out of a folder on the stack of books she brought with her.

"Here's a list of all the assignments, and the notes pages to reference while you do them are listed too. I numbered the notes pages to help you keep track."

Kairi's organization skills scare Sora sometimes. They don't scare me, because I'm the side of Sora with somewhat of a capability to stay organized. Without me, Sora's room would be even messier than it is now.

_Hey!_

What? It is. There are dust bunnies forming their own empire in here.

_Well, hey. I figure I'll just let them form their own government and then let their political parties fall into turmoil and civil war and kill each other off._

Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

_Well, you wanna dust?_

No.

_Then we leave the bunnies to their civil war. Besides we can still find everything in this room, can't we?_

Yeah, okay. Works for me. Last time Sora cleaned his room he couldn't find anything for a week.

Kairi's still explaining things. Because Sora is fantastically ADHD, he is gifted with the amazing ability to focus on what Kairi is saying _and _what I'm saying at the same time. Seriously. (AN: Seriously, this sort of thing is possible for most ADD/ADHD people)

Kairi has stayed a good distance away from us until now. But now she steps forward to give Sora the paper in her delicate hand, and since Sora's room is a disaster sight rivaling Hollow Bastion when we first fell upon it, her foot collides with a hairbrush (Heck if I know why Sora owns a hairbrush. Not like there's any taming his hair. Heck if Sora even knows why he owns a hairbrush.) She falls, Sora attempts to catch her, but seeing as he's still in bed and doesn't exactly have the strength to get up, he only really gets as far as grabbing her hands. The end result of all of this mess is that Kairi ends up on top of Sora, nose to nose.

Awkward, cliché, and wonderful; all wrapped up into one.

_Good Lord in heaven, she's close._

Yeah, I noticed. From this distance I can only just mostly see her face, and without the red hair she's Naminé to me more than she has been in a long time. She smiles softly rather than blushing. That's a Naminé trait: Naminé lacked the melanin to blush, so she used to smile funny when she was embarrassed. Kairi does that sometimes. She'd be full-blown red as a beet if she wound up in this position with anyone other than Sora. But it's just me, so she gives her Naminé smile and looks away.

_What do I do?!_

Heck if I know!

_Well, I can't get up! She's not moving!_

Say something!

_Like __**what**__?!_

Do I have to do everything?

"Gee Kairi," the words come out sounding more nervous than I expected, but Sora continues, "I know you hate PE, but I don't think being sick is worth getting to miss running two and a half miles."

The awkwardness fades as Kairi bursts into laughter. Her laugh is a trait she shares with Naminé. They both laugh in that wonderfully sugary way, soft and light and like a spring breeze. As she laughs she relaxes and tilts her head down to let it rest on Sora's chest. I can see her hair now, and the red reminds me sadly that it's Kairi who dominates, not Naminé. Sometimes when Sora looks at Kairi, I can see Naminé, clear as day, with hair as blonde and pale as champagne. I wonder if when we're older, like really old, when Kairi's crimson hair has paled to gray or white, if maybe she'll look enough like Naminé that I'll think of her only that way.

Kairi's laughter has died down now, and she settles more comfortably onto Sora. It occurs to Sora just how perfectly their bodies fit, like a puzzle.

_There was no innuendo implied in that, Roxas, so don't you even dare-_

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna. Sora is starting to panic at her proximity. How I'm keeping my head, Ii don't know. I'm hanging onto every ounce of logic in Sora's brain I can find.

"You make a really comfortable mattress, Sora," Kairi tells him.

Did she just-

_Don't._

Dude, does she know Mom's downstairs? Unless she's planning on-

_I don't think there was any innuendo implied in that either, Roxas._

So many responses, too much Kairi to count on Sora paying attention to any of them. So, how exactly does one respond to being called a mattress? Kairi's hands are still linked with ours. Sora has even gone so far as to stroke her hands with his thumbs.

"I'm sick, you know." And your mother's downstairs. These walls are thick, but not-

_Shut it!_

"I know. But I figured I've probably already caught whatever this is, so I might as well go the whole nine yards."

Oh…does she have _any _idea how many ways those words could be taken? Like, really, Sora-

_If Naminé knew what you were thinking…_

That right there is enough to shut me up. Kairi's face to face with us again. She sighs and rests her forehead on Sora's. She's _really_ close now. Sora and I both are starting to come mentally unhinged. She tilts her head sideways and her lips graze Sora's cheek. We shiver.

"I really missed you, you know." She whispers.

Sora gulps. He's more nervous than I am. "I've only missed a couple of days of school, Kairi." His voice is cracking. Ain't that smooth?

Kairi chuckles. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

Sora knows what she means now. She's talking about that year they were apart. Naminé and I were on our own during that time, so I can't comprehend how that's effected how they feel about each other. I know it makes Sora want her more, that's all. Sora sniffles, and it ruins the moment slightly. Our nose is starting to run again. Wonderful.

"You're blushing," she tells Sora, who is indeed blushing. Technically you could say I'm blushing too, but I prefer to blame that sort of thing on Sora. "You're cute when you blush." That comment is enough to knock all the wind out of Sora's lungs, and make me want to take a bit of responsibility for the blushing.

_I bet she did something bad, and she's trying to butter me up before she tells me._

Or she could be about to do something to-

_Don't even start. I mean maybe she wants something._

Dude, I'd say it's fairly obvious that she wants something.

_That's __**not **__what I meant._

She knows Mom's downstairs, right?

_Would you-_

Look, it's just that-did she just kiss your cheek? It certainly felt close. Her lips grazed the skin, at least. She's looking at me now, at least, but..I've never seen her look at us like that before. Sora hasn't seen this look either. Yet it looks so right on Kairi. It's not quite coy, but something like it. It's more innocent. Like a Kairi-coy. Yeah, let's go with that.

She's smiling, and she still hasn't moved. She's still on top of Sora, she's still grasping his hands, her fingers still interlaced with his, practically pinning him to the bed.

Sora's finding it hard to breathe, and not because our nose is stopped up.

_I think she wants me to kiss her._

Sora, I think you're right. Kissing her sounds _great._

Problems:

First problem with kissing Kairi/Naminé-we're sick. While it seems entirely possible that we've already given her this cold, she'll definitely get it if we kiss her.

Two, there is enough mucus in our head right now to drown Radiant Garden. Do you really want your first kiss to taste like mucus?

_Well, no._

Okay then.

_But I don't think Kairi cares._

Kairi was already as close as it was possible to be. Sora can feel her breath when she exhales. What is she doing? Is she closing her eyes? Dude, I think she's gonna-

Kairi's given up on Sora kissing her. 'Cause she's kissing him. Sora's side of the brain has completely shut down. I'm in a haze. Sora's kissing Kairi. I'm kissing Naminé.

And it doesn't taste like mucus. She tastes like strawberries and vanilla ice-cream. Sora shivers as her hair grazes his neck. Her hands are moving. They are leaving his hands and moving to his neck and shoulders. Sora's free hands migrate to her hips. Kairi lets out something like a giggle into Sora's lips and they break the kiss only long enough for air. Sora stopped thinking when Kairi came within three inches of him. I suppose I'm the only part of him still cognizant at this point. Go figure.

Sora's tongue has somehow made it as far as Kairi's bottom lip. She smiles in the kiss, and it's enough of an access. The kiss deepens, and it becomes easier to forget how sick we are.

Sora rolls over, pulling Kairi beneath him. At this point I find it prudent to step in and tell Sora that, as great as it is to be kissing Kairi like this, his mother is still downstairs, and while I was joking earlier, well, y'know. Thankfully, he listens. He pulls away from Kairi, who smiles up at him.

"I never knew sharing germs could be so much fun." She whispers, fingering one of Sora's spikes. Sora grins down at her, then leans in for another kiss. Their lips connect, and, lemme tell you, it rocked as much as the first time.

"Sora! I fixed you some more medicine! Come down and- actually, I'll bring it up! You've got company." Sora and Kairi break apart, and Sora rolls off of Kairi, who bolts out of our bed. She combs her fingers through her hair and straightens her skirt.

She takes a step toward the stack of books, and trips over the same stupid hairbrush. This time she falls backwards into our arms, but Mom actually walks through the door in time to see her fall. Kairi jumps back up quickly, laughing.

"Sora, is it too much trouble to clean your room every once in a while? One of these days you're going to trip and fall and break your neck!" Mom laughs at that.

"See Sora, Kairi agrees with me!"

Sora fervently hopes that Mom and Kairi never team up; together they could definitely take him.

-&-

By Monday, we're feeling better. Sora is at school, at least.

Kairi, however, is home sick with a cold.

-&fini&-

* * *

AN: "There are dust bunnies forming their own empire in here." My mom tells me that all the time concerning my room. I'm too lazy to dust, so I'm just letting them kill each other off in their civil wars.

I still can't believe I wrote this. There is so much dirty humor. Anyway, folks, let me know what y'all think. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

In other news, if you haven't seen WALL-E, go see it. It is the best movie I have seen in a long time. It's better than Finding Nemo; and that is the highest complement I can award a movie. Seriously, it doesn't matter if you're 7, 17, or 77, you'll love it no matter how old you are. I HIGHLY recommend it.


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